Cold

This is something I wrote back in Feb. 10, 2010


All I see is darkness all around me as I sit here wallowing in my pain
No where to turn, no where to go
Stuck to listen to my thoughts as silence grabs hold of my inner playful tune
Solely I feel it
Everything hits me at once
These emotions
This pain
It captures my heart, sternly holding on
Squeezing everything good I have left
I scream at the top of my lungs, while never ending tears stream down my face
Trying to get a grasp of my surrounding, I look but cannot see.
These tears make it impossible to see the light, the rays of sun dancing on the surface of this lake named sorrow.
I feel so close to insanity, as despair continues to drag me under
And no matter how deep I feel I fall, there is something inside me that tells me to hold on.
And as quickly as my hope starts to rejuvenate, it is just as quick as this darkness grabs hold again.
This ounce of hope I thought I had left still isn't enough, this pain is so unbearable; Seems as if despair is gaining the upper hand.
My body frail, my soul mourns and my mind can not endure this much longer
I used to believe that having a big heart made me invincible
On the contrary, after all the gashes, this one stab finally went through
Now here I sit damaged, broken...
Cold

Yearning for Sun Rays

I just want the warm breeze to come back, the birds to sing while the sun is coming up, I want to see all the leaves begining to come out from their winter sleep. I want to start off my morning by opening the window and airing out my room. Can you imagine it? Can't you see yourself, cracking your eyelids open and feeling the warmth of the sun on your face, as if giving you a morning kiss to start your day great. I want sunlight pouring in my room instead of waking up in darkness. The time period where being sappy is in, every known creature is in love or almost there. 
I am so tired of the slush and dirty snow that looks like you could catch an infection when you just glance at it. Sick of slipping and sliding on ice while strangers having a need to give me weird glances because of it. The need to wear loads of clothing to stay warm whether I'm out or indoors. I am so over being sick every time I turn around, catching colds or flus. Winter is just starting to be horrific, no longer a time to have a cuddling partner or listening to Dean Martin's sweet voice. Even hot chocolate is no longer a treat, I want some slushies and to eat out doors. I want to wiggle my freshly pedicured toes in the sand or freshly cut grass.
Spring I am anticipating your coming.